Where it all began....

As a little girl, my dreams included:

 becoming a teacher (check), 

marrying my best friend (check), 

and becoming a mom.

The last one on my list just wasn't happening for us. Why wasn't this easy for us? Being a Christian, I began to wonder why God was doing this to us. I found myself becoming mad at God every time a friend became pregnant so easily. Why can't we do that??? There were too many nights of crying and pleading with God.

After 18 months of trying on our own, Derek and I finally decided to talk to my OB-GYN about our options. As I was getting on the elevator to head to the appointment, a teenage couple came onto the elevator with me. As the elevator doors began to shut, the young couple begins to talk about her being pregnant and they are not sure how they are going to care for this baby. I felt so hurt! Here is a teenage couple who had very little means to raise a child, but they were expecting a baby. I was resentful of the fact that Derek and I were able to care for a child, but we couldn't get pregnant. (Looking back, my reaction should have been drastically different. I could have prayed with them about their future. I could have shown them God's love, but that is a moment that I can't do again.)

At the appointment...
My OB-GYN suggested that I start taking Clomid. For those of you who have NEVER experienced the effects of Clomid, here are a few words to describe it. Clomid makes you cry, gain weight, cry, mad (especially if a restaurant leaves the ham on your sandwich when you specifically asked for turkey), have I mentioned crying like uncontrollable sobbing for hours at a time?, and a crazy, hormonal beast. I'm surprised that Derek put up with me for those two months. Even though I went through HADES and back with this medicine, we were still not pregnant. Each month brought the hope of the plus sign or double lines on the pregnancy test, which were shot down each month.

My OB-GYN finally referred us to Piedmont Reproductive Endocrinologist Group or PREG. This turn gave me hope. I met with my new doctor. He is so sweet! The staff were wonderful and I felt a sense of peace here!!! That had not happened in quite sometime. My doctor and I began talking about what mine and Derek's protocol was going to be to get pregnant. His plan involved 3 IUIs (intrauterine insemination) and if those didn't work, then we were moving to IVF (in-vitro fertilization).

At our first IUI, Derek and I sat in the waiting room early one Sunday morning. I was nervous, but SUPER excited! Although, that excitement was soon squashed by another doctor's stern tone. Not to go into too many details, but I ended up doing the IUI in the midst of tears. I cried during the procedure, on the way home and in the Cracker Barrel dining room. It wasn't the best experience by far. The two week wait time began and I was hoping even though that doctor said it wasn't going to work that we were going to prove him wrong! Unfortunately, we didn't!

The next month, we tried again. This time we saw my doctor and he was so sweet. He also told us again (with a much better bedside manner!) that this more than likely will not work but he left it with "you never know!'. I had HIGH hopes, which didn't come to light. Another month with a negative pregnancy test! My doctor called and set up an appointment to go a different route.

At the next appointment, Derek and I sat and listened to him suggest IVF to us. That this was a better option for our situation. I sat there and thought how are we going to pay for this! Yes, my insurance covers 70% (YAY!), but we don't really have the 30% to spend! Derek, who has been a wonderful, godly example through this whole process, told me to not worry that if God brings us to it, then He will provide. Well, I can't believe that I'm saying this, but Derek was RIGHT!

We are now getting ready to start our journey through the IVF process! I start a crazy amount of shots and medicines next week! Please pray that everything goes smoothly!

Sorry that the post is EXTREMELY long!

Love y'all!
Karilyn